Sometimes doing the right thing is not easy. Sometimes it is heart wrenching, emotionally crushing and damn hard. Someone with emotional concerns like depression and ptsd, it’s even worse.
We second guess ourselves, we constantly reevaluate relationship decisions and even self destruct to avoid feeling anything at all. This causes more problems than we need, but, we do it anyway.
Sometimes making decisions that will effect us emotionally, will effect us physically. We cry more than normal, we eat, we hurt ourselves and we push people away. It doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, it is hard to stop those habbits, but it can be done. We need to stop, breath and do something else until the emotional part of it is gone, and the decisions can be made with a clear head.
Easier said than done right? Well, today I had to do just that. I had to break up someone who made me very happy. I had to do so and explain why without my emotional destruction getting in the way. How? I wasn’t sure if I was pushing them away and self destructing out of fear, out of jealousy, out of need to have my life uncomplicated, or doing so because i’ve gotten so used to being alone that having someone in my life was just too much.
I slept on it. Literally. I cleared my mind, stopped my crying and let it all go. When I woke up I wrote down all the reasons I felt I needed to break up, wrote next to those either e for emotional or l for logical. then looking at the logical, i wrote down m for me and h for him. The result was obvious. I was right, I needed to do what was best for him, and it wasn’t me.
Sometimes doing what is right is more painful than we can imagine. But, when we do it with a clear head and a clear mind, in the end it’s the best thing we could do for ourselves.