HOPE

YOU need HOPE.  Period. Everyone does. No matter what you go through in life – you need to have hope. Hope is powerful, it can heal and it can renew. Hope can bring a better future amongst the chaos that is our lives. Despite all I go through – I always have hope. My day dreams are filled with acceptance, health, love and courage.

When doctors keep changing diagnoses, when they tell you things are worse than initially thought, when they tell you that you have to go through more than you thought — you need hope. For without it, you just wither up and commit suicide. And believe me, sometimes I want to.

If a beloved pet were to go through what I do on a daily basis, my quality of life sucking beyond measure, we would have put that beloved pet down so they didn’t have to go through a day of pain, depression, loneliness, and these amazing levels of mental/physical and spiritual anguish. What separates us from that pet? HOPE.

Think about it. The power of hope that things will get better, that I will be loved someday and that I won’t be alone gives me hope. As I talk to others who have gone through not as much (I don’t think anyone could live through what I have – seriously as I haven’t written 1/4 of what I’m going through) as me, but, a different amount of anxiety, a different set of issues n circumstances – I have  hope. Why? Because I see them facing things, some worse, and wow….if they can, I can. So, they give me Hope. And some, I give them hope.

Hope is passed from person to person. People commit suicide when there is no hope. When they have no hope in a better tomorrow. My mother and my step brother are examples. One knew there would be no end to the wait for a new heart, no end of doctors and loneliness and a deep despair.  The other new there was no hope of seeing his kids again, of getting a job in the small town where he lived, of being able to love someone again. Neither had hope in anything.

So, what keeps me on this earth when everyday is a dr. apt., everyday is another diagnosis that counters the initial one? What keeps me here when I am so lonely I spend my nights crying myself to sleep??  Hope. Hope in a better future, hope that they get their shit together as medical professionals and hope that my loneliness will end someday. Hope that I can pay my bills, be a better person and be invited tot hings despite how it is now. I don’t get invited to things, to hang out with others, to go places. I don’t get invited to parties and movies, etc. And I have hope that someday I will. People will see me as a viable person to hang out with.

But, for now things are rough. And I’m ok with it. I have hope. And so should you. Tomorrow you get to wake up, get to breath, get to be alive – and that is a critical step towards healing. Watch the sunset, watch the sun rise – and remember, have hope. Tomorrow is coming – and we don’t know what will happen.

 

 

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