People often say I talk about myself a lot. It’s not that I want to, it’s that I can’t stand uncomfortable silence and I try too hard to get someone I think is awesome like me. And It’s a butt biting issue.
So tonight, I met 9 new people. And I asked them about a shirt they were wearing or about the game we were playing. And I learned a lot. But, I apparently seemed stupid. So I am having an issue with this. when is listening too much and when is talking too much.
Unlike many I know in the sca and thought were cool, I realized they are just award mongers and power hungry – so much for really thinking they were awesome! Some are so blatant but, they get away with it because of who they are “in with”. It’s like high school!
Someone told me I’de be in the cool kids group if I didn’t talk about myself all the time. So I stopped. And I’m still not there. Why? Because I don’t drink, I don’t get snarky towards people, I don’t think I’m better than anyone – and make people feel awful because of it! I don’t kiss tail and I don’t suck up. I don’t ignore people who are new and don’t know things, instead I make it a point to talk to them and make them feel welcomed and NOT looked down on because their cloths are 100% period. I don’t want to belong to a household, become a peer or get awards. After 20 years I have an AoA and a Coral Branch. I am totally happy with that! Why? Because of who gave them to me and why. That makes the awards special. I wouldn’t want to get award after award just because I know so and so, belong to xy household or become a baroness or baron because of wanting to be power and better than others. that’s the wrong reasons. I am happy with my awards because the people who gave them to me were awesome. I have service awards from awesome people. I’m great with that!! And I am proud of them more than the coral branch.
Unfortunately, this kingdom is known for buttheads, rhinos and period natzi’s. It’s sad when you move to another kingdom and they all say I am so sorry you lived there. It must have been awful, we are going to have to calibrate your hits before you practice with anyone. Fencers here don’t hit as hard as Atlantian ones. I mean seriously. It’s just – ugh. It happened in 4 kingdoms….that’s the sad part.My kingdom has a horrible reputation. And asking folks why they don’t play anymore – well it’s proof just how bad it is. (though this last reign really did a great job of fixing that. Especially at Gulf Wars.I’de like to have them again – and see how much things improve! So there is hope.)
SCA and High school are similar. You have the suck ups, the cool kids, the jocks, the nerds (AKA A&S folks), the cloths nazi’s, the book nerds (me!), the outcasts (me again) and the cliques. It’s ok. We all went through this so by now we should know how to navigate it – right? NOPE. Even as adults we still have a hard time with it. Only now it’s because we know this shouldn’t be happening! It bothers our sense of justice, right and wrong, good and bad. It just feels wrong.
So, over the last 2 years since moving back to Atlantia full time and seeing the same stuff over and over again I decided 2 things. 1) I am not in high school anymore and I’m not playing that game and 2) I play with, where, and when I like. If you don’t like it – go play elsewhere. Simple plan, simple rules, simple outcome – no drama (or as little as possible). I have kicked people out of my life and have removed some from my facebook because of this new rule. I am not letting you get me upset. Stick your nose up their tushes bet it stinks! Play your period nazi rules on your own household – the rest of us don’t care. it’s a hobby. And if you don’t like the way I do something – fine. Say something – but, when I catch you being nasty – then I’ll deal with it.
This happened at defending the gate with “pretty girl baroness club” antics and did what I enjoyed which was sitting at the mol table shuffling papers. I enjoy paperwork – I know, I’m insane. But, I am really good at organizing anything! Seriously. Really, very good.
So, I had to get this out – why? Tonight reminded me that no matter what you do life is still high school when you get 3 or more people together. No matter what the reason you are all together. Someone is going to hate you, someone won’t care and you. Ignore the other 2 and just have fun. Have your own fun and ignore the rest. And leave the bad woman slapping that needs to be done to someone else. Not my high school, not my buttheads, not my problem. LOL