SPOONS

Spoons. Some days you have them, some days you don’t. What are spoons? Why are they important? Well it started with a lady talking to her friend in a restaurant about her chronic pain. She showed her how things you do are measured in the amount of spoons you have. But, some days you don’t have enough spoons. So, you can’t do anything. NOTHING.

Yesterday I had no spoons. Walking the dog was exhausting to the point I took an hour nap after each trip. I didn’t eat, and I forgot my shots. Again. This is the issue with spoons. It’s not just exhaustion. It’s memory loss, or as we call it – fybro fog. You don’t think, you just exist. Some days I could climb Diamond Head sometimes I can’t even take my meds. It’s all about the spoon limit.

So, what do I do when I have good days? Clean, cook food for several meals (knowing some days I can’t cook), bath Leroy, plant some flowers, get wood for the fireplace. But, mostly they are spent catching up on the things I couldn’t get done. Simple things like dishes, dusting and vacuuming.

People tell me I am so lucky not to work. Seriously! I reply “I will give you what I go through in a day just to be able to work again.”  They don’t get it. It’s not that I don’t want to work – it’s that I can’t. I try! I find a job I think I can manage and then nope. Within 2 weeks I am toasted. I can’t think, I can’t move, I can’t eat. I am worn out. So, I tried working as an environmental educator at a local zoo. I only work 10 mins every hour. Easy right? No. I am in public, in front of people and I have to keep the animal safe from grabbing hands. It’s not easy. Did I mention the cage cleaning? Yeah…..

I wish I could do what I used to. I wish my people skills didn’t suck so bad from the aspie zone. I wish I wasn’t afraid of people. I wish my body didn’t hurt and ache all the time. I wish I had – spoons.

I went to a sci fi con. It was fun. i enjoyed it. But, for the following week I was down for the count. Despite me gauging my walking, making sure I had protein and water. I went to an sca event for 1 day, the following 2 I was down for the count. I went to an event in NC for 4 days…..yeah that took 2 weeks to recover from. Spoons are fickle. Some 1 day events I have no problems. I can never guess or predict when I will or won’t have spoons. It’s frustrating!

Due to the cops n fights n such the other night my spoons have been lacking (that and an outpatient surgery) my spoons flew away. I started biting my nails again, pulling my hair – and I didn’t notice until today. Bakah!

So it’s easy to explain spoons. People get that concept because they have something to connect to. I mean everyone eats, right?! Be patient with the spoonless, they don’t like it. They think they are worthless because they can’t do what they did before. They get depressed and it’s no wonder! They hate not being able to do the basic things in life. And doing the amazing things they used to do is painful and fruitless. So they feel dumb, inadequate and a zero. Remind them that they are loved, wanted, amazing and stronger than they think. Remind them you love and care for them. They need to know. They need to know someone understands that they have no spoons and is willing to help them with love, patience and understanding. And on those days they have spoons – no chores. Do something fun, something they haven’t done in awhile. The chores can wait. Having a great day – that is the most priceless thing they have – and making it better is the best gift you can give.

 

 

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